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The mail bag: Paging Mr. Gates...

Published: Jan. 28, 2003


Editor:
Today is really a day of bad news (See “Women’sChallenge canceled”). The biggest women's race in America is gone.I wish I was Bill Gates.Johnny RingoReally? We think you were a lot cooler as a 19th-century desperado,Ringo. Much better haircut, too. -- EditorAnd now, live from Saturn …
Editor:
Bryan, I usually read your column (see “Surrealnotes from the road,” by Bryan Jew) and actually like it sometimes.I'm writing you from Saturn Camp for our sixth year in Solvang. Whereare you? Neal Rogers is here and having a blast with us. It seems thateveryone is jumping on the Solvang bandwagon, because there is some otherblue-red-and-white team training out here too.Thanks for the Saturn team reality-show offer. How do we sign up?Tom Schuler
Team SportsHave your girl call our girl. Love ya, baby, you’re a prince. Let’sdo lunch. Ciao. -- EditorOne out of one doctors prescribes Bryan
Editor:
During the off-season, I rarely get to take care of top-caliber proathletes. This winter, aside from the usual training and tune-ups, I gotto treat one of MTV’s “Tough Enough” trainers in the ER.He was hurt doing a show in Boston and as he was traveling to Albanyfor the next night’s venue, he saw the "Hospital" sign, pulled off thehighway and showed up in the ER.I never heard of him or his show. He is a lot bigger than the cyclists,though.I liked the column; keep it coming.Michael Ross, MD
Newton, MABend backs Bryan
Editor:
Bryan, I like your web column. You give us info that I don't thinkwe could find anywhere else. Out of curiosity, what are the odds that Foxis actually going to air an eight-week race series that isn't gas-driven?I think we'd all love to see cycling on a network other than OLN, particularlythose of us in Bend, Oregon, where the local cable company would rathercarry two home shopping networks, the home gardening channel, and two C-Spans,than give an outdoor-driven community like Bend the Outdoor Life Network.And maybe if cycling was to get a regular time slot on a major network,Americans could finally see what sports can be like without seven-digitsalaries, enhanced cheerleaders, and lavish, hourlong halftime shows. Solet us know if that whole Baumeister-Fox-Criterium series happens.Oh, and who's in the Super Bowl this year? I mean, other than BritneySpears?Erik LongWas that the same Baker I saw cookin’ at Kmart?
Editor:
Is that the same Darren Baker that I saw racing the Kmart-West Virginiastage race, which Lance won his triple crown with -- he had calves likeTeun Van Vliet and a wife that looked like a supermodel? He must be pushing40, eh?Jeff HarrWhat an ass … terisk
Editor:
I hesitate to write this, because I expect that any criticism of BryanJew's new Web column will only make him stronger, sort of like some '50ssci-fi B-flick monster feeding off of nuclear warheads.
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I find Endurox 4 Orange flavor tastes like an expired children's chewablevitamin.
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As I was saying, I comment on Mr. Jew's new column with great trepidation.Nonetheless, I would suggest that he writes the column much in the veinof Larry King's USA Today column; that is, in a stream-of-consciousness,random commentary that one might attempt only if one has a pathologicallyoutsized notion of the weight of one's own observations on the greaterpublic.
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(Does Larry King still write that column? I haven't been stuck in ahotel bathroom with severe constipation in some time now, so I admit I'velost track of USA Today's current stable of ADD by-liners.)
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I guess I've said my peace.Greg Wheeler
Millburn, NJAnd they said irony was dead. -- EditorTalk about watching too much TV
Editor:
I see Bryan is interested in pro wrestling? Might I suggest a contestwithin VeloNews? Maybe advertising versus editorial. I would liketo see Chad "Super Fly" Moore take on Bryan "The Hulk" Jew. If that doeswork out I would be willing to wrestle Bryan with the winner receivinga dozen Krispy Kremes! Down with Bryan!CJ Gauss
Boulder, COSure, but what do we do for an undercard? Charles “The Web-slinger”Pelkey versus Steve “The Brawler” Brawley? -- EditorThat other super bowl
Editor:
Bryan, thanks for the note on the "Super Bowl.” I always enjoy watchingevents at the San Diego Velodrome.Jim Kirstein
Folsom, CARide away, ride away!
Editor:
Bryan Jew wrote: "And finally, because a frighteningly large numberof VeloNews readers get their only sports news from VeloNews...."Seems to me that many VeloNews readers might not even care aboutthe Stupor Bowl. Heck, I live in San Diego and we're going to get as faraway from that as we can. Watch football? Why bother? We're going riding!Although it might be kind of fun to park a good distance away, then rideon over and laugh at the people stuck in the traffic jams...Carl Kuck
San Diego, CAYeah, but then you wouldn’t be as far away from that as you couldbe. – EditorNo, ski away, ski away!
Editor:
Thanks, Bryan, for keeping me up to date with the inane goings-on ofthe TV world. I am one of those readers who gets all my news from cyclingwebsites. I do like to keep abreast of all the comical goings-on in TVLand; it reinforces my superiority complex. I also didn't know the SuperBowl was Sunday, now I will make sure to go skiing that day!Steve Zdawczynski
Boulder, COMore regional-race coverage, please
Editor:
I am from Arizona and was particularly interested in the spot on theTrek-VW regional program. Highly informative column today ... best I'veseen on the site for a while. Keep up the good work.I'd love to see more from you on regional racing at all levels, particularlyCat. 2 and 3. Be sure to check out Tucson, Arizona, as there is a lot goingon down here. Where else in the country outside of San Diego can you finda seven-hour ride with some big-name pros going out during the middle ofthe week?Jason Karew
Tucson, AZWell, there’s Colorado Springs and Boulder, and they’re a lot closerto us than you are. So what if we have to ride in snowmobile suits in February?--EditorMore petty gossip, please
Editor:
Hey, Bryan, I thought I'd send you a little positive feedback. I likeyour column. Now if you could just bring it down a couple of notches andinclude more petty gossip about the domestic pro scene, you'd have a realhit. Tell us who's getting screwed by their sponsors, which riders, promotersand coaches are assholes, and of course, who's sleeping with whom.Don't let O'Grady have all the fun.Peter LunkTV, or not TV? Not
Editor:
Thanks, Bryan, for keeping me up to date on TV. Since I don't own one(I decided indoor training while watching TV was a combination of two ofthe most mind-numbing activities on the planet and got rid of both) it'snice to know that TV has gotten even more mind-numbing. Riding in the rain(Gene Kelly missed this opportunity for alliteration) isn't my favoritething, but it's a whole lot better than riding indoors.So, what's this Super Bowl thing you recommend watching? I'm reallynot into bowling. And, thanks for the three kisses, but what are the othersymbols after the kisses -- the VII things? I probably won't catch thatbowl thing 'cuz I'll be out riding down the lane, with a happy refrain,and riding, just riding in the rain.
Keep your umbrella up.David Robinson
Seattle, WAP.S.: I don't find your writing dull (although, compared to O'Grady,anyone short of Hunter S Thompson is dull -- I wonder if they share thesame pharmaceuticals?). And the only edge of stupidity I noticed was thecontents of the upcoming TV shows - you're just the messenger. And, thiscolumn was interesting enough to rate a mention in O'Grady's column, soyou must be saying something interesting.Speaking of O’Grady …
Editor:
Patrick O’Grady’s column (see "Friday’sfoaming rant: Recycled tubes") was imperfect because he forgotto have the SUV drivers on cell phones (maybe two phones each?). It wouldmake the derby even better....Steve PucciCan we hitch a ride?
Editor:
Our team would like to apply for a spot in "Three Dudes in a Van" –I understand you are looking for a Division 3 team. Do you actually provideus with a van?Micah Rice
Jittery Joe's Cycling TeamThere’s no business like show business
Editor:
I like the shows about the Division 3 pros … can I be in them? I aman actual Division 3 pro, and I have experience in commercials. If I canget another job that pays scale, I will be invited to join the union. ThenI can get actual health insurance. If I can break into showbiz throughcycling then it all will have been worth something!Erik SaundersWhat’s “health insurance?” -- EditorIt’s only a movie …
Editor:
Is it just me or does anyone else think we are just one step closerto "The Running Man" becoming a reality?Peter Rhodes
Manchester, NHIt’s just you, Pete. Nobody runs anymore. Not with empty hands, anyway.– EditorProducer grabs O’Grady by the rabbit ears
Editor:
Patrick, I read your article this afternoon. Found it very interesting,but I wanted to set the record straight. There was never anything in thescript about transforming anything into a graceful ballet -- just thinkabout it, who could pull that off?Also, I have proven I am very capable of acquiring the scorn of my peerson my own, and the thing about my superiors, they all quit a long timeago. So I wouldn’t go pitching any of those program ideas to OLN anytimesoon. My attorneys have assured me that if I have already pitched thoseconcepts, the only thing you will have left holding besides that new broomis your rabbit ears. I really like the staging area in Iraq idea, but wewould need Joe Jackson waving the baton.I will close this note with a few additional words of advice: Phil andPaul are off-limits, and if you ever call me a nice guy again I'll kickyour (expletive deleted).Hey, if you are ever in town, let’s do lunch.An anonymous non-reality producer
(my kids still don’t know what I do for a living)Duck and cover
Editor:
The AFP article on the Tour of Qatar (see “Leblanc:Qatar still a safe race venue”) has Jean-Marie Leblanc saying thatit's safe at this point. My question is: Will Leblanc follow the race inhis car with his upper body up and out of the moon roof?Brian Lafferty
Longmeadow, MANot unless that Kevlar jacket sponsorship comes through. -- EditorWe’ll all share the award
Editor:
I enjoy your writing. Keep up the good work.Jim PavekBigger is better
Editor:
On your website you have an ad for WrenchScience or something witha picture of what appears to be a really cute, busty chick on a Schwinnfastback ... but the picture is too small! Any way you could blow it upto, like, really big????Chris BrownYeah, but if we did, she’d be the last woman who ever visited oursite. -- EditorOutstanding in our field
Editors:
Keep up the good work. I like reports from the field.Dan Davis


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