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'I did it': An open letter from Adam Bergman

By Adam Bergman
Published: Feb. 15, 2006
'I did it': An open letter from Adam Bergman
'I did it': An open letter from Adam Bergman

Editor’s note: We received the following as an e-mail from former Jelly Belly rider Adam Bergman, who began serving a suspension for EPO on July 27, 2004. The e-mail was prefaced with the statement: "If you could put this out in your publication it would mean a lot to me. This has been a long time coming, but I know it is the right thing to do." After speaking with Bergman to confirm that he was indeed its author, we agreed to publish it as an open letter. He declined to elaborate, saying: "I'm not going to answer anything else right now, I just wanted to get that out there."

Almost two years ago, I tested positive for EPO. Until now, I have not been a strong enough person to admit to taking EPO. I never denied the charges, but I hid behind the fact that the test results were not entirely clear, and I hoped that I might be able to get off on a technicality.

It is time to tell the truth. I did it. I experimented with the drug EPO when I was preparing for the Tour de Georgia. This admission has been a long time in coming, and I should have done it a lot sooner. It seemed easier to say the test is bad or blame it on someone else's error than to admit the truth. I made a big mistake when I tried EPO, and I made matters even worse by not having the courage to admit that mistake. My family raised me to be a better person than that.

Being honest at this point can’t change what I did. If some other young cyclist is facing difficult personal problems or hardships, however, I hope that my experience might help them deal with life’s challenges in a better way. I’m not going to elaborate on the personal difficulties I was going through, because at the end of the day they are just excuses. No excuse justifies what I did. If someone else is struggling with problems and is tempted to take the easy way out by cheating, my plea to you is don’t do it. Even if you’re luckier than I was and don’t get caught, and even if you think it will help you get through a tough time, it’s not worth it. You have to deal with your conscience the rest of your life.

I know I can never fully restore my good name, and maybe that’s how it should be. I knew the consequences were real and I have to take full responsibility for my actions. What is so sad for me personally is that beyond the damage to my personal reputation, cycling is the sport I love and I only added damage to its reputation.

If anything good comes of this experience, maybe it can show others that drugs have absolutely no positive outcomes. What I did not only ruined my career and personal life in every single aspect but I hurt a lot of other people. My selfish act tarnished the reputation of my sponsors, teammates and manager. I know it’s too late, but I apologize to them personally.

This has been a hard lesson for me, but it’s one I deserved, and one I would never wish on anyone. I am in my second and final year of suspension (as well as continuing with USADA's out-of-competition testing program) and am looking forward to competing again, clean, in the sport I love.

Though it may be hard, I hope that one day people can forgive me for what I have done. I don't ask anyone to forget because I know I never will myself.

Sincerely,

Adam Bergman